Getting what we ‘want’

It’s 10:45pm and I’m sitting in front of the Mr. Arepa-a local restaurant in the village of food and watering holes that service the several dozen thousand residents of this part of town with a night breeze providing some much needed relief after another hotter-than-usual day in the middle of a hotter-than-usual summer.  The street is still busy, however the considerably late time allowed for an roadside experience that for once didn’t involve sucking in exhaust fumes.  I’m sitting between two couples waiting for my own Styrofoam-encased piece of heaven: an Arepa con carne with a side of fries, wondering if this was part of the dream that I had envisioned for myself when I vowed to see the world.   I have  place place with glass on the windows, a refrigerator and indoor plumbing.  My girl is with me and I’m closer to my family, I’m even living in South America! Curiously enough, none of that seems to matter.  Once again, in the midst of SO many blessings, SO many positives there is still a GOD sized void.  Not in terms of idolatry, merely to say that something very vital is missing.  I-because I have been feeling more egocentric than usual lately, find my mind, heart and soul simultaneously searching themselves to see if there was ever a script that involved intense homesickness, chronic broke-ness and bipolar tendencies in this movie.  

 

We all are born with dreams; most of us see none of them come to fruition, some of us accomplish a few and a precious few dedicate their lives to manifesting them to the point at which dreams and reality overlap.  I swore at one point I was heaven bent on doing such.  Now I have times where I wonder what the use of that is.  Not because I doubt my ability to attain it, but because I wonder if we actually want what we think we do.  It’s funny how sometimes not getting what you ‘want’ can feel like the worst thing in the world…I genuinely believe that getting ‘it’ can be just as bad sometimes.